


Love at first sight

by Moahoa



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/M, Karezi, M/M, davekat - Freeform, johnkat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3930865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moahoa/pseuds/Moahoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A character study sort of thing about Karkat Vantas failure of a first love.</p><p>EDIT: Was supposed to be a three-parter but was reworked into a oneshot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love at first sight

 

 

 

The day you meet John is just like in your romance novels.

 

You and your very obnoxious and very much 13-year old group of friends are standing in line at the snack stand, same way you do every friday because back then movies were cheaper and you had a habit of obsessing over new titles. You can't even remember which premiere it was, that's how much you used to waste your near to non-existant money. Ah the stupid fucking choices of childhood, god riddance.

 

… Anyhow, as you were standing in that way too crammed space, your newly acquainted friend Terezi, decides that showing you into the unsuspecting moron who had too low IQ to not abscond the moment your group of very loud and did you mention obnoxious 14-yearoldness entered the premises. He catches you mid fall like you were a fragile maiden and your blush betrays just how often you actually dreamed of such a scenario.

 

”haha you ok there?” He laughs, all pubescent and voice cracking all the way. He doesn't let you go right away and studies you the way an overexcited puppy might study it's newest toy. The first thing you notice is the overbite and rabbit teeth, then the glasses, then eyes as blue as any prince in a fairytale. At that your heart decides to override anything and the loud thumping drowns out any reason.

 

”Let me go, fuckass” You reply way too late and with too little venom as you get back on your feet.

 

He ends up introducing you to his friends, but he's also there with quite the large group and truth be told you only have eyes for him. As you exchange pesterchum's you feel like the happiest and giddiest person alive, even if you'd rather die before admitting it.

 

 

 

 

 

He pesters you all the time. You didn't expect it because 13 yearold you is not that interesting (or confident), so you suppose he has to be bored. You who's always the center of drama, but never the cause, circumstance around you might be interesting but you are sure you aren't. There is a reason you spent all this time giving advice to _everyone else_ after all. Keeping peoples heads out of their asses, however, creates a bridge not many cross and walls of preteen self-hate already distanced yourself from everyone. But before you know it the walls you built up are crackling at the edges.

 

There is no real reason for it either, in fact Egbert can't read you for shit. In fact this boy can't read anyone for anything, he's just another idiot that'd probably sell his soul to satan for gummy worms if you didn't stop him. It shouldn't happen but between laughs, board games and worrying about his sanity, he gives you peace. You tell him things you didn't know you were keeping secret.

 

You throw tantrums and he doesn't care. You act all cagey or sad and it just bounces right of him. It's annoying and you hate that he can never take anything seriously, he's too obnoxiously happy. Not even a grump like you can bring him down he jokes. You call him puppy, he takes it as a compliment.

 

In no time, you find yourself growing closer than you've been with anyone before and you think you're so lucky to have found your soulmate/best friend/whatever, so early in life.

 

 

 

 

You realize you are very much not straight the day you turn 14.

 

You and John are celebrating like the socially awkward teens you are by staying indoors and watching movies. It's yet another romcom with Julia Roberts and you've watched so many of them today that you stopped keeping track, that doesn't help you from mouthing along with the lines though. You know them all by heart regardless of the title.

 

This flick in particular might not be Johns piece of cake, but he's an expert at doing things to keep other people happy. It's really endearing actually. He keeps making jokes or altering whatever line is next to make it seem more suggestive, all while giving you eyebrow waggles and gigglesnorting. You pretend to be annoyed, but you can't. No one can escape the charm of the lil' bucktoothed devil.

 

By the 3rd movie he slumps over you and links your hands and you don't know what to do. You don't handle physical contact too well to be honest but you try to act unfazed as this is probably normal friend behavior. It's not like he is ”a homosexual” after all.

 

He keeps leaning closer, closer than ever before and suddenly you get suspicious... and sweaty. You can't focus on the movie anymore than you can stop hearing your heartbeat in your ears. You are sure it'd would go away if he'd just **move** , but at the same time you don't want him to. He's practically in your lap by now and you wish it was socially acceptable to push him off. Instead your hands move on their own to scratch the base of his scalp. _This_ can't be normal, you really have to tell him he's being-

 

”I'm booooreeed” He whines before you can continue that thought.

”You have the attention span of a 4-yearold.” You retaliate.

 

He smiles up at you and you wonder what it would be like to kiss him... and that's when your world starts it's decent into massive fuckdown of hormonal doom.

 

 

 

 

After your birthday, solid friendship bonding time turns into unrequited crushing time. It's awful and all his fault for being so... so... UGH.

 

Part of you can't stop comparing it too your romance novels and certain pieces by 'independent authors online' (shut up Nepeta is a really good writer, ok?). It's like you are the pining love interest just waiting for Egbert to hear that one taylor Swift song and realize that he's a bigger idiot than he could've imagined. You want it more than you ever wanted anything at the same time as you want your feelings to never have existed. Being around him makes you feel like the most dishonest coward to ever live and as the luckiest person alive all at once.

 

The way he acts around you doesn't help at all. He holds your hand even when in public, takes you to the movies and bro snuggles have become a regular occurrence. Part of you wonders if maybe you actually are already together but you just missed the memo.

 

He even gets you chocolate for valentines day. Granted it was left over from his dads crazy baking spree but with the sappy note about bromance he wrote to go with it, you cried for more than one reason. It's all so intense and confusing and it's hard and and no one understands.

 

Except they do. To your lament your friends even go as far as to egg you on to go for it, Terezi in particular. You're still not sure how to feel about that. You have a sneaking suspicion that you might be developing some sort of crush on her too?

 

You've known here since way back, like preschool way back before she had her... accident. It had come as a shock for everyone, much less the 6 yearold girl herself when 'tasting' a pint of paint left her with a fucked up sense of taste and no sight. The weird part was that Terezi didn't seem to mind, she was always going about how different colors tasted, as if she had some secret power now. She was almost good at compensating sometimes, to the point that most people needed a cane whacking to figure out she was actually blind. You guess that was part of the reason you liked her so much, her not losing her optimism.

 

If anything you think you might see her as sort of a rolemodel, y'know with her being better at almost everything regardless of disability or not. Just thinking about that though gave you a headache. You can get so jealous sometimes and be so mean, you don't think you can really love someone when envying them and wanting to be like them at the same time.

 

Also Terezi is obviously a she and John is a he and how does that make sense?

Granted, your sex ed only covered the basic minimum, but you're pretty sure you were supposed to stick to one gender and you'd long since decided John was a better love interest. Your feelings for him are not mixed in the least, so go figure.

 

Regardless of how much you've opened up so far because of John, feelings and the confusion they create still aren't your area of expertise to say the least. Though getting up confidence you do, your friends have confirmed that it's not just in your head. I mean after all you've been through, he has to feel the same... he has to, right?

 

 

 

He doesn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's never the same between you two. You try to forget, but for some reason, your feelings don't fade. You think maybe you really are soul mates... but John isn't gay, isn't like you, doesn't want you anymore. You see it in the way he looks at you, the way he keeps his distance, the way he _pities_ you.

 

For a few months you pretend it's fine because neither of you knows how to fix this. In the end, your frustration makes your jealousy spiral out of control and your tear more than one solid friendship apart in the process. Some of the things you say to him haunt you for years afterwards and by the end of your last pesterlog, you never want to see him again.

 

You think it must have been mutual because even though you are practically neighbors, you never do.

 

 

 


End file.
